Donald Trump Considers Tariff on Gravity, Says It’s ‘Holding America Down’
In his latest unconventional policy proposal, former President Donald Trump has announced he is considering imposing a tariff on gravity, claiming the natural force is unfairly “holding America down” while other nations continue to “float past us” in innovation and progress.
Gravity: The New Economic Villain
At a press conference held at Mar-a-Lago, Trump stood beside a physics textbook he clearly had not opened and outlined his grievances against gravity. “It’s a disaster, folks. Gravity is keeping us from reaching new heights, literally,” Trump said. “You look at China—they’re building high-speed trains and big cities in the sky. Meanwhile, we’re stuck here on the ground. It’s sad, very sad.”
When asked if he understood how gravity worked, Trump waved off the question. “I know gravity better than the scientists, believe me. They’re always telling me it’s pulling us down, but I don’t see it pulling China or Europe down as much. Very unfair.”
A Plan to Fight Back
Trump’s plan involves a “modest” 30% tariff on gravity’s effects, which he believes will encourage “American businesses to rise above” and invest in anti-gravity technology. “We’re going to make floating great again,” he declared, while gesturing toward a poorly Photoshopped image of Trump Tower hovering over Manhattan.
Critics were quick to point out that gravity isn’t a physical good or service that can be taxed. Trump, however, remained undeterred. “That’s what they said about tariffs on solar panels, and look how well that turned out. Tremendous success!”
Economic Implications
Economists and scientists alike scrambled to interpret how a tariff on gravity might be implemented. “If he’s serious, this would require rewriting the laws of physics,” said Dr. Sheila Grant, a physicist at MIT. “And even then, it would probably only affect American physics, leaving the rest of the world unaffected. It’s… baffling.”
Trump countered this criticism, saying, “American physics is the best in the world, folks. The best! We don’t need globalist gravity slowing us down. Let other countries deal with their own gravity.”
Space Force to the Rescue
In a related announcement, Trump revealed that Space Force would play a key role in enforcing the gravity tariff. “Space Force is going to be up there, keeping gravity in check,” he explained. “They’re going to figure out who’s sending too much gravity our way and make them pay.”
When asked how this would work in practice, Trump suggested using “giant nets” to catch incoming gravity from foreign countries. “China is sending us gravity—tons of it—and we’re just taking it. Not anymore!”
Reaction from the Public
The response from the public was mixed. Some of Trump’s staunchest supporters embraced the plan, with one rally-goer stating, “If Trump says we don’t need gravity, then we don’t. I’m ready to float for freedom.”
Others, however, were more skeptical. “This makes no sense,” said a local high school physics teacher. “I think he just ran out of things to tariff.”
What’s Next?
Trump hinted that the gravity tariff was just the beginning. “We’re also looking into tariffs on time, which is moving way too fast and making me look older,” he said. “And don’t get me started on air—it’s just out there, being breathed by everyone for free. Unacceptable!”
While scientists brace for an avalanche of questions from confused citizens, one thing is clear: Trump’s war on the fundamental forces of the universe has begun. As for gravity itself, it has yet to issue a response—likely because it’s busy doing its job.
