WASHINGTON — In a press conference held at the foot of a gold-plated bald eagle statue, Interior Secretary Carl Flagstone proudly announced the immediate rebranding of all 429 U.S. National Park Service sites to reflect “the Read More
May 4, 2025
ATLANTA — With the Atlanta Braves sitting at a humbling 14–18 record to begin the 2025 MLB season, manager Brian Snitker finally addressed the media with the calm, composed demeanor of a man whose blood pressure hasn’t Read More
May 4, 2025
“We had to make tough choices,” says executive while sipping from solid gold protein shaker. In a move that stunned absolutely no one who’s been paying attention to WWE’s priorities, the company announced Read More
April 30, 2025
“He won’t answer questions, but last week he played the ‘Shattered Dreams’ promo six times in a row. I think he’s trying to say something.” Following his devastating loss to John Cena at Read More
April 30, 2025
WASHINGTON DC— In a move that stunned scientists, educators, and several confused Labradoodles trained in scent detection therapy, newly appointed Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has officially suspended all federally Read More
April 23, 2025
In a shocking post-attack interview following Monday Night Raw, newly crowned WWE Champion and existential life coach John Cena stunned fans with a deep, unsolicited psychological analysis of Randy Orton’s legendary finishing move. “The Read More
April 19, 2025
LAS VEGAS, NV — In what should have been a heartwarming milestone, John Cena’s 100th Make-A-Wish fulfillment this year took an unexpected turn when each child received a custom puzzle missing exactly one piece. The Read More
April 15, 2025
LAS VEGAS, NV — In a stunning display of fiscal recklessness and patriotic explosions, WrestleMania 41 has officially surpassed the gross domestic product of at least one Eastern European country in pyrotechnics spending alone. Sources within WWE Read More
April 5, 2025
SPRINGFIELD, MO — In a holy pivot inspired by inflation and a national egg crisis that now requires divine intervention, churches across the United States have begun encouraging parishioners to tithe in fresh, cage-free brown eggs Read More
April 5, 2025
NEWPORT, RI — This Easter, millions of Americans gathered not in grassy parks or flower-filled backyards, but on encrypted laptops and VPN-protected servers to participate in a new holiday tradition: hiding a single, painfully expensive egg Read More
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- WWE Releases Dozens of Superstars, Explains ‘We Simply Can’t Afford All This Talent and Also Logan Paul’s Real Jetpack’
- Sources Confirm Cody Rhodes Hasn’t Spoken Since Mania Loss — Only Communicates Through Old VHS Promos of Goldust
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