LAS VEGAS, NV — In what should have been a heartwarming milestone, John Cena’s 100th Make-A-Wish fulfillment this year took an unexpected turn when each child received a custom puzzle missing exactly one piece. The Read More
LAS VEGAS, NV — In a stunning display of fiscal recklessness and patriotic explosions, WrestleMania 41 has officially surpassed the gross domestic product of at least one Eastern European country in pyrotechnics spending alone. Sources within WWE Read More
SPRINGFIELD, MO — In a holy pivot inspired by inflation and a national egg crisis that now requires divine intervention, churches across the United States have begun encouraging parishioners to tithe in fresh, cage-free brown eggs Read More
NEWPORT, RI — This Easter, millions of Americans gathered not in grassy parks or flower-filled backyards, but on encrypted laptops and VPN-protected servers to participate in a new holiday tradition: hiding a single, painfully expensive egg Read More
PALM BEACH, FL — In a spectacular act of own-goal economics, former President Donald J. Trump announced a sweeping new round of tariffs on Chinese imports this week — only to discover that among the affected goods Read More
ATLANTA, GA — A groundbreaking study released today by the National Institute for Lingering Trauma has found that nearly 92% of Americans have, without realizing it, been holding their collective breath since approximately mid-March 2020. “We expected elevated Read More
CHICAGO, IL — A new study from the Institute for Modern Labor Psychology has found that 78% of American workers trust the Domino’s Pizza Tracker™ more than they trust their direct supervisor, manager, or HR department. Read More
STARDATE 90815.4 — SAN FRANCISCO, EARTH — A newly declassified report from Starfleet Security has confirmed what most crew members already suspected but were too traumatized or polite to say out loud: holodecks are responsible for an overwhelming Read More
PITTSBURGH, PA — As temperatures crept into the low 70s this week and birds began chirping with a tone that suggested hope and mild anxiety, local resident Devin Carter briefly experienced a burst of seasonal optimism — Read More
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A groundbreaking new study from the National Institute for Overwhelming Everything (NIOE) has found that approximately 85% of Americans are too mentally, emotionally, and existentially exhausted to read the study itself. The research, Read More
Enter the Void
