Trump Accuses Canada of Stealing American Snow, Demands It Be ‘Returned Immediately, with Interest’

In a shocking accusation that left meteorologists scratching their heads, former President Donald Trump has accused Canada of stealing American snow, calling it “one of the greatest thefts in history” and demanding its immediate return.

Speaking from his Mar-a-Lago resort, Trump addressed the “snow scandal” during a press conference filled with large snowflake decorations and a backdrop of artificially frosted palm trees. “It’s a disgrace, folks. Canada has been taking our beautiful American snow for years. They don’t make their own snow—they take ours. Everyone knows it,” Trump claimed, gesturing toward a chart labeled “Snow Theft: A Timeline” that appeared to be a weather map from 1993.

The Evidence (Sort of)

When pressed for evidence, Trump pointed to “how much snow they have up there compared to us.” He added, “Have you seen Toronto? They’re drowning in snow, and meanwhile, places like Nebraska? Nothing! It’s theft, plain and simple.”

Trump went on to suggest that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was orchestrating the operation. “Trudeau thinks he’s so smart with his snow-stealing machines. Probably using windmills to suck it right out of our skies—very bad for the environment, by the way. Windmills kill birds.”

The Plan to Get It Back

To address the alleged crisis, Trump proposed a bold solution: a snow tariff. “If Canada wants to keep using our snow, they’re going to pay a big, beautiful tariff. We’ll call it the ‘Frost Fee.’ It’ll be tremendous,” he announced.

Additionally, Trump suggested deploying Space Force to monitor snow movement across the border. “We’ve got satellites, we’ve got great technology. Space Force will make sure no snow crosses into Canada without permission,” he said.

Trump also floated the idea of building a snow wall along the northern border. “The wall will be made of ice, very strong ice, the best ice you’ve ever seen. And Canada’s going to pay for it. They owe us, folks,” he said, although no specific figures were provided.

Canada Responds

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau responded diplomatically but seemed perplexed by the accusations. “Snow is a natural phenomenon. It’s not something you can steal,” Trudeau said in a statement. “If Mr. Trump would like some of our snow, we’d be happy to send him a few truckloads.”

When asked about the proposed tariff, Trudeau laughed, saying, “I think Mr. Trump may need a lesson in meteorology. Or geography. Or both.”

Public Reaction

The reaction from the public has been mixed. Trump supporters rallied behind the claims, with one supporter at a rally stating, “If Trump says Canada stole our snow, I believe it. I’ve shoveled less snow than I used to, and that can’t be a coincidence.”

Critics, however, were less kind. Late-night hosts had a field day with the announcement. Stephen Colbert quipped, “Trump accusing Canada of stealing snow is like accusing Florida of stealing sunshine—wait, maybe I shouldn’t give him ideas.”

Scientists quickly debunked the claim, explaining that snowfall patterns are determined by climate and geography, not theft. “Snow isn’t stolen; it falls where it’s cold enough,” said Dr. Linda Hayes, a climatologist. “This is not a geopolitical issue. It’s weather.”

What’s Next?

Trump’s team has doubled down on the accusations, teasing the release of a report titled The Great Snow Heist. “This will be bigger than the Mueller report,” Trump said. “People are saying it’s going to blow the lid off Canada’s snow cartel.”

In the meantime, Trump has urged Americans to “watch the skies” and report any suspicious snow activity. “Together, we’re going to make America snowy again,” he promised, pointing dramatically to a snow globe he claimed was an “official prototype” for his new weather-monitoring program.

As winter approaches, one thing is certain: the snow may fall, but the accusations are sure to keep piling up.

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