Trump Imposes New Tariff on Chinese Goods, Accidentally Includes MAGA Hats

PALM BEACH, FL — In a spectacular act of own-goal economics, former President Donald J. Trump announced a sweeping new round of tariffs on Chinese imports this week — only to discover that among the affected goods are MAGA hats, the very symbol of his brand, base, and burgeoning side hustle.

The tariffs, intended to “make China pay” and “bring manufacturing back to wherever,” apply to a wide array of items including electronics, steel, textiles, plastic goods, and — unintentionally — 100% polyester red baseball caps embroidered in bulk at a factory in Shenzhen, Guangdong Province.

“We’re putting AMERICA FIRST,” Trump declared at a rally held in the parking lot of a shuttered Sears. “We’re standing up to China like never before. These tariffs are going to CRUSH them. CRUSH. Except… okay, maybe not the hat part. That’s… that’s under review.”

Sources close to the campaign said the realization hit when a shipment of 10,000 MAGA hats was held up at customs, resulting in a public relations nightmare and the first backorder crisis in the movement’s history.

“We thought he’d be upset,” said one anonymous aide. “But when we told him the hats were now 37% more expensive, he just said, ‘Even better — we’ll call it Limited Edition Patriot Pricing.’ Then he tried to trademark it.”

White House-adjacent influencers immediately began spinning the tariff as a bold move in the fight against foreign influence.

“If you can’t afford a $49.99 MAGA hat, maybe you weren’t meant to Make America Great Again,” tweeted former Trump advisor Sebastian Grundle, while standing in front of a whiteboard labeled Hat Economy: Strong.

The tariffs have sent shockwaves through the pro-Trump merchandise ecosystem. Knockoff hats, counterfeit Trump ties, and poorly spelled “TRUMP 2028” onesies are now in limbo at various ports, causing what economists are calling “a supply chain disturbance in the force of grift.”

Conservative Twitter reacted with confusion and mild existential dread.

• @RealLibertyGal999: “How can I own the libs if I can’t afford to wear the hat??”
• @MAGAmanQ4Ever: “Wait… do we hate China or need China? Which part are we mad at today?”
• @PatriotPatriot1776: “Can I just draw MAGA on my forehead with a Sharpie now?”

In response, Trump campaign officials are reportedly considering moving hat production to the U.S., though insiders fear that doing so would result in labor costs that threaten the sacred $2 profit-per-cap margin.

“We’d love to manufacture hats in America,” said an exhausted campaign merch manager. “But then we’d have to deal with unions. And wages. And quality. And… people who ask questions.”

As for Trump himself, he remained unfazed by the irony of it all.

“Some people are saying it’s a mistake,” he told supporters. “But I think it’s genius. China’s paying for the hats now! That’s the art of the deal, folks. You wouldn’t understand. I invented tariffs. Abraham Lincoln used them. Look it up.”

At press time, Trump was seen testing out a new “All-American” prototype MAGA hat — made in Kentucky from leftover truck bed liners — but reportedly abandoned the idea after saying it felt “a little scratchy” and made his hair look “less presidential.”