WWE Signs Landmark Promotional Deal With Pepsi, Introduces Pepsi Man as New Superstar – Set to Feud With CM Punk

“Only one of them is the Voice of the Voiceless. The other is the Can of the Carbonated.”

Dramatic Voice Over Guy

Stamford, CT – In a groundbreaking move blending athleticism, nostalgia, and shameless corporate synergy, WWE has officially signed a multi-year promotional deal with PepsiCo, announcing that iconic silver-clad superhero Pepsi Man will be debuting as a full-time WWE Superstar.

The announcement, made in front of a branded LED titantron shaped like a 20-ounce bottle, marks the first time WWE has signed a soft drink mascot to an active in-ring contract. WWE Chief Content Officer Paul “Triple H” Levesque declared it a “refreshing step forward in storytelling,” before confirming that Pepsi Man’s first major storyline will pit him against real-life Pepsi tattoo owner and AEW escapee CM Punk.

“We’ve been telling stories for over 40 years,” Triple H said, adjusting a bottle of Diet Pepsi on the podium. “Now we’re going to tell the most important one of all: Who really represents Pepsi in professional wrestling?”

For those born after the Y2K scare, Pepsi Man is a silver-skinned, beverage-delivering humanoid who starred in a series of bizarre Japanese commercials in the late ‘90s and a cult-favorite PlayStation game that’s still somehow more coherent than WWE’s 2019 wildcard rule.

Pepsi Man’s new WWE gimmick reportedly remains faithful to his roots: he runs in from backstage during moments of dehydration, sprays competitors with an unmarked can of cola, then disappears without explanation.

According to internal memos, his theme music is simply the word “PEPSI” shouted over and over to the beat of Roman Reigns’ entrance drumline.

The decision to pit Pepsi Man against CM Punk is already being hailed as “so stupid it’s brilliant” by wrestling podcasters and “just stupid” by everyone else.

CM Punk, whose Pepsi logo tattoo is older than half the NXT roster, reportedly pitched the angle himself after discovering that the deal was in motion.

“You want to monetize my body? Fine,” Punk said backstage, aggressively cracking open a can of LaCroix. “Let’s make it weird.”

Sources close to creative say the storyline will involve Pepsi Man accusing Punk of “trademark infringement, cola dilution, and emotional damage.” Punk will counter by calling Pepsi Man “corporate trash in a morphsuit” and challenge him to a “No Sugar, No Rules” match at SummerSlam.

There is also reported tension over Pepsi Man’s rumored alliance with LA Knight, who reportedly sees the mascot as “the perfect sponsor who doesn’t try to cut promos longer than mine.”

As part of the cross-promotional campaign, WWE has already begun rolling out limited-edition Pepsi Slam merchandise, including:

• Replica silver bodysuits (size XS to “Bloodline XXXL”)
• “Drink It In, Man” koozies
• “Straight Edge Means No Coke” mugs
• The Pepsi Plunge Energy Drink (CM Punk has not approved this)

Live events will also feature Pepsi-branded commentary tables, and the new “Thirst For Gold” tournament will debut exclusively on Peacock, featuring the winner drinking a full liter of Pepsi through a straw after every pinfall victory.

The Internet Reacts

Wrestling Twitter has, predictably, exploded.

• “This is why wrestling is better than anything else on Earth.”
• “We waited 10 years for Punk to come back and now he’s feuding with a soda mascot. I love this sport.”
• “Pepsi Man’s going over clean at WrestleMania, isn’t he?”

Even Dave Meltzer weighed in, giving the announcement “five cans out of five,” but noted it would be “seven cans in the Tokyo Dome.”

With Pepsi Man now in the WWE Universe, insiders believe more mascots could follow. Mountain Dew is said to be in talks for a tag team called Pitch Black & Baja Blast, and rumors persist that WWE is pursuing The Hamburglar as a special guest referee for the upcoming Fast Food Death Match between Otis and Bronson Reed.

For now, Pepsi Man is scheduled to debut on the upcoming episode of SmackDown with CM Punk expected to interrupt mid-run-in to accuse him of gimmick infringement, cultural betrayal, and poor can design.