Category :Articles

PALM BEACH, FL — In a spectacular act of own-goal economics, former President Donald J. Trump announced a sweeping new round of tariffs on Chinese imports this week — only to discover that among the affected goods Read More

ATLANTA, GA — A groundbreaking study released today by the National Institute for Lingering Trauma has found that nearly 92% of Americans have, without realizing it, been holding their collective breath since approximately mid-March 2020. “We expected elevated Read More

CHICAGO, IL — A new study from the Institute for Modern Labor Psychology has found that 78% of American workers trust the Domino’s Pizza Tracker™ more than they trust their direct supervisor, manager, or HR department. Read More

PITTSBURGH, PA — As temperatures crept into the low 70s this week and birds began chirping with a tone that suggested hope and mild anxiety, local resident Devin Carter briefly experienced a burst of seasonal optimism — Read More

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A groundbreaking new study from the National Institute for Overwhelming Everything (NIOE) has found that approximately 85% of Americans are too mentally, emotionally, and existentially exhausted to read the study itself. The research, Read More

MENLO PARK, CA — In a bold move that experts have described as “spectacularly unserious,” billionaire entrepreneur and part-time meme curator Elon Musk announced Monday that he intends to resolve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict by hosting a Read More

In a harrowing ordeal that lasted nearly seven minutes, billionaire CEO Charles Van Gleeson of retail conglomerate Cörpzon Inc. was forced to evacuate his favorite downtown coffee shop after a barista, identified only as “Read More

In a surprising turn of events, leaders of various illicit cartels have publicly expressed their gratitude to President Donald Trump for his recent imposition of tariffs on imports from Canada, Mexico, and China. The 25% tariffs, Read More

In a quiet corner of rural Vermont, 67-year-old Roger Whitman remains blissfully unaware that he is the last person on Earth without a smartphone. Whitman, who still uses a flip phone he bought in 2003, believes Read More