In his latest unconventional policy proposal, former President Donald Trump has announced he is considering imposing a tariff on gravity, claiming the natural force is unfairly “holding America down” while other nations continue to “float Read More

Washington, D.C. — In a move that has left Republicans fuming and late-night comedians scrambling for punchlines, President Joe Biden officially pardoned Smokey Bear on Thursday, absolving the iconic mascot of all alleged crimes the Read More

Washington, D.C. — In a groundbreaking move designed to “inject excitement and intensity” into America’s education system, newly appointed Education Secretary Linda McMahon announced her first sweeping reform: determining valedictorians through ladder matches, with Read More

In a bold move that has sent shockwaves through the scientific community and Whole Foods lovers alike, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced today that the infamous bacterium Escherichia coli—commonly known as E. Read More

In what some are calling the most unexpected crossover since Avengers: Endgame, President-elect Donald Trump has reportedly reached out to Disney executives with a formal request to become an official Avenger. His reasoning? “I’m Read More

In an unprecedented announcement that has left both political analysts and Trekkies in disbelief, President-elect Donald Trump revealed his intention to launch a preemptive strike on Romulus, citing its “aggressive posturing” and “fake cloaking technology.” Read More

In a press conference that left scientists scratching their heads and Space Force generals nervously adjusting their ties, President-elect Donald Trump announced his most ambitious project yet: the colonization of Jupiter. “Jupiter is YUGE,” Trump Read More